There Are No Free Lunches

As we grow, we inculcate many habits. Some good, some bad. Habits stick to our daily routine so much that slowly they become part of our personality. We become slaves to our habits. Unknowingly, these habits start driving our behavior. Habits become our second nature. Out of these, some habits may even be bad. But we pick them up unintentionally.

Every individual has a unique personality. It has been shaped over many years. It is the outcome of your family upbringing, social circle, and close friends.

No one is perfect. We all have shades of grey.

We all are a bouquet of good behavior and not-so-good behavior.

With time, we all evolve. We mature. But few habits never change. They are engraved deeply in our behavior.

Old habits die hard.

I too suffer from this syndrome. I have a bad habit.

I keep giving unsolicited advice, and suggestions to my friends, their children, and those who are close to me. When I looked inward, I realized this.

Last weekend, I met a few friends over dinner. They were discussing who owns how many properties and who has strong finances. I was, as usual, listening. They started comparing each other's life. I did not like that. I interrupted immediately and started advising that they should never compare their own life with others.

My intention was always very pious and honest. But I could sense it was not taken in the same spirit I intended to be. My sermon hurt a few around.

Most of the time I speak very less. But when I speak, I speak the truth and only the truth. I speak bluntly, on the face of it. Even though the intent behind this is always good, people around me get hurt.

Such past experiences taught me one of the biggest lessons of life:

“Never advise unless asked for or paid for”

This was a dawning of wisdom for me.

I admire my wife for this. She is a doctor by profession with more than thirty years of experience. Being a doctor, many friends, and relatives keep asking her casually about various health issues. She just listens to them and smiles and nods. She doesn’t give any advice or suggestion. It used to upset me. I told her that you must help them. She said, “No. If they have a real problem they will take my appointment and seek professional help.” I have never seen her preaching to anyone or giving advice, or suggestions.

I have been with her for the past thirty years, but I never realized its importance. Today, I understood the true meaning of the phrase:-

“There are no free lunches.”

I recognize now that I need to change this behavior. The earlier, the better.

I am also aware that changing one’s behavior is a daunting task.

But, the first step towards change is acceptance. At least I have identified what I need to do. And once I have decided what I need to do, I am sure I will get through that irrespective of all odds.

So, henceforth:

No more advice!

No more suggestions!!

No more preaching!!!

Of course, unless asked for.

Let me see how far I reach.