How To Manage Expectations?

Our life journey is full of expectations. Be it personal, social, or official life, we keep on expecting something or the other from each one we interact or have relations with. Every human relationship is based on expectations. There isn’t any relation that has no expectations at all.

Expectation has always been a common behavioral trait.

When we are young, we do not have any expectations. Just play, eat, sleep, study. That’s all we knew. Hence, for most of us, early childhood is always the happiest part of life.

However, as we grow older, due to the experiences we undergo, the expectations start building up. Parents start expecting their child should stand first in their studies, receive a trophy in sports, and also be the best in other activities as well. Parents start fulfilling their unfulfilled dreams through their children. And for the child, this is a first-hand experience in life about expectations. He starts believing that expecting something from someone is a common behavioral trait. And, thus the life journey of expectations commences.

We expect help from friends.

We expect appreciation from the boss.

We expect pay hikes and promotions.

We expect love from our partner.

We expect achievements from children.

We expect respect from society.

We expect to win.

And above all, we also expect to remain happy.

How is that plausible?

We can either be happy or expecting. We can’t be both.

Akin to our social life, we do have a lot of expectations from our investments as well. And most of them are unrealistic.

We expect higher than possible returns.

We always expect to outperform the market.

We expect instant gratification.

We expect to get rich fast.

We expect that the stock market will always move in one direction, and that is upwards.

We expect the bull run to continue forever forgetting the bear phases.

We expect more returns than friends, relatives, and neighbors.

We expect to see only a green portfolio and hate to see the red.

We expect no risks and nothing to go wrong.

We continuously keep on expecting from every relationship. And when we do not receive what we expect, we get hurt. And then the relationship becomes sore leading to separation. That makes us unhappy.

The reverse is also equally true. As we expect so many things from others, the same way many expect from us as well. And when we cannot fulfill those expectations, they also get hurt.

First, we expect from others, then others expect from us, and both do not get satisfied and then get hurt. It’s an ongoing circle of expectation. The center of it is a disappointment. We are just revolving on the circumference unable to reach anywhere.

However, we tend to forget that the sole purpose of life is to seek happiness.

So, what is the solution?

Should one have expectations or not?

Can we stop expecting? Should we stop expecting?

Since we all are mortals, it is extremely difficult for all of us not to have expectations at all. Though, this is not impossible. But what we can certainly do is to manage expectations. If we can inculcate this habit of managing expectations, we can get rid of a lot of pain and misery.

One approach is to have expectations but only fairly realistic ones. Do not go overboard and start daydreaming. Do not have excessive expectations. Always keep in mind that these expectations may not be fulfilled. And keep reminding yourself that if that happens you will not get disappointed. You will remain calm and composed irrespective of the result.

The other approach is to invert. Always think about what worse can happen and be prepared for that. Be it the stock market or personal relationships, it pays off to understand and appreciate your risks carefully. And be aware that there are always a few risks that we can never anticipate or prepare for. These are black swan events or the surprise shockers.

If we want to lead a happy and meaningful life, we must either stop expecting or manage our expectations.

The Budha said, “Expectation is the root cause of misery and disappointment.”